There are bad days… and then there are BAD FAKE TAN DAYS.
You know the ones.
You wake up, look in the mirror and suddenly you're less Golden Goddess and more Tesco rotisserie chicken. 💀
One hand is suspiciously darker than the other. Your knees have absorbed enough tan to last until Christmas. Your ankles have developed their own contour. And somehow — despite being absolutely certain you blended it — there's a massive white stripe down the side of your foot.
HOW?!
The 7 Stages of a Fake Tan Disaster
Stage 1: Confidence
Fresh shower. Exfoliated. Moisturised. Hair tied up. Mitt on. You're basically a professional.
"This is going to look UNREAL tomorrow."
Famous last words.
Stage 2: The Questionable Application
Halfway through, you realise the bathroom lighting is absolutely useless. Is that blended? Probably. Can you see the back of your legs? Absolutely not. Do you continue anyway? Of course you do.
Stage 3: The Tan Walk
You now have to move around the house like you've recently had major surgery. Arms out. Legs apart. Nothing can touch anything. God forbid you need the toilet.
Stage 4: Bedtime
You climb into bed wearing clothes that should probably have been thrown out in 2014. You're roasting. You're sticky. Your partner has moved approximately three feet away from you. But beauty is pain. See you in the morning. ✌️
Stage 5: THE REVEAL
Morning arrives. You run to the mirror expecting Ibiza goddess. Instead… Your elbow is mahogany. Your wrist has a line around it like you've been wearing a fake tan bracelet. There's a mysterious dark patch behind one knee. And your hands look like you've been digging potatoes with your bare fingers.
Fantastic.
Stage 6: Emergency Operations
Suddenly you're in the bathroom with exfoliator, a flannel, lemon juice, prayers and possibly industrial equipment.
"IT'LL FADE."
Will it, Susan? WILL IT?! 😂😂😂
Stage 7: Acceptance
Eventually you accept your fate. Long sleeves. Jeans. Closed-toe shoes. It's 26°C outside. Nobody needs to know.
Fake Tan Shouldn't Be This Bloody Difficult
This is exactly why we're fussy about tan at RBF Cosmetics. We want golden, believable, gorgeous colour — not orange ankles, radioactive elbows and a three-day identity crisis.
Our self-tanning range is made for a smooth, golden glow, with hydrating Aloe Vera and a vegan, paraben-free formula. Available in three shades:
- Medium Self-Tanning Foam — for a natural, sun-kissed glow
- Dark Self-Tanning Foam — for a deeper, holiday-ready colour
- Ultra Dark Self Tanning Foam — for when you want to look like you've just returned from three weeks somewhere expensive 😏☀️
Pair it with our Luxury Double-Sided Tanning Mitt for a streak-free, even application every time. No more potato hands. No more mahogany elbows. Just a gorgeous, buildable glow.
So prep your dry bits, grab your mitt, blend those ankles like your social life depends on it and remember:
Life is too short for shit fake tan.
Love,
RBF Cosmetics 💙
For the glow-ups, the cock-ups and every questionable tanning decision in between.
